Lonely

I have a friend. A beautiful, smart, funny, courageous, witty friend (let’s call her M) whose been carrying on a relationship for the past year w/someone who is by all accounts gorgeous, charming, intelligent – funny, has an amazing job ; all the things a girl looks for in a guy.

Except, he’s married. Separated in fact, which forgive me for being pessimistic; I’m not sure I fully buy into.

They met and developed their “relationship” while he was very much married and unavailable, all of which she was unaware of. Eventually it came out, that he was married and had a young child and the classic “our marriage has been over for awhile”, "we live separate lives" and other classy lines that men who cheat on their wives tend to use. Over time, it was one bombshell after another, one lie after another. We’re talking major made for tv movie bombshells; yet, M stuck by him.

Because she thought he was the one, he was everything she ever wanted, they had so much in
common – she waited her whole life to feel the way he makes her feel – I could go on and on.

He finally left his wife a few months ago, after much pushing and prodding from M he told his wife he needed time apart and moved into his own apartment not far from M.

This came with some conditions though, the two of them still could not be “public” with their relationship because "he didn't want to hurt his wife" he didn't want to be labeled the guy that left his wife for another woman - even though CLEARLY he did.

He also said he would need to spend as much time as possible with his “wife” and their child, including dinners together every night and family outings so that it would help with the transition.

"WHAT??? How do you know he’s not still “with” his wife? How can you be sure they're not trying to work things out?" Was my initial response to her.

“He hates her” was her reaction.

“Obviously, he doesn’t hate her that much if he’s spending every waking moment with her when he’s not in work” I said.

I’m sorry kid or no kid, there is no logical reason he needs to be with her all night, and all day on the weekends. Unless of course, he’s trying to work things out with her. To me, it sounds like this “great guy” M claims to have found, wants to have his cake and eat it too (or as my other friend says, wants to “have his shake and bake”). His family and close friends still don’t even know M exists and as far as his wife’s extended family knows, the two of them are still blissfully in love and living as husband and wife.

It makes me sick.
But she makes excuses for him constantly, whether it’s because she really loves him or she just doesn’t want to be alone – I don’t know. But I do know it hurts her. How could it not?

I hate watching her cry over him, I hate when she calls me & says “Do you want to come over for dinner, I don’t want to spend another night alone”. I hate that he makes these grand plans for “the two of them” and their “future”, all the while living a life with his wife.

At the same time, M is partly to blame.
She could have cut it off long ago (like when she first found out he was married)!
No matter how amazing she thought he was, no matter how much they had in common, she could of said “Sorry, come back and see me when your divorced”. But she didn’t.

I don’t understand why would you keep torturing yourself all this time knowing someone is clearly not available: mentally, physically or emotionally.

Why would you let someone, specifically someone you love and who claims to love you treat you not even like your second best, but like your at the bottom of the barrel?

Is it really worth it at the end of the day? Would you rather be with someone who treats you horribly and puts you and your feelings last or would you rather be alone?

Me – I hate being alone, it’s one of my biggest fears in the world; I’d rather poke my eyeballs out than spend a weekend by myself.

However, I could never settle for second best, I could never settle for another woman’s husband – I could never be somebody’s consolation prize.

Round One

Spent the last four days in bed - fighting off this season's first round of the flu.

I literally haven't showered, brushed my teeth or even gotten out of bed for the last four days (except ya know, for obvs reasons).

I felt like a truck steam rolled over me.

Not pleasant at all.

I was finally able to eat tonight for the first time.

Beleive it or not I'm actually looking forward to getting dressed in the morning, putting some makeup on and trekking my way into the city for work - I'm not however looking forward to the pile of work on my desk, or the 534 emails (as of last count) in my inbox, but hey - what can I expect after four days? At least tomorrow's Friday and I have the weekend to look forward to.

So needed to see this right now.

Photo via: http://allagoldman.info/

Random Thoughts On A Tuesday

Not much going on round these parts lately - so I leave you with some thoughts, a la bullet point style.

• I'm kinda over gosspi girl this season. I know, I know - who would of thought I would ever get tired of Chuck Bass - but sad to say, it's true
• Is it sad that I'm already thinking Christmas. I've made my lists and mapped out a game plan, pathetic I know since it's not even October yet.
• Jillian Michaels scares me, like straight up hardcore scares me. But I love her, and I can't help it but I'm seriously developing a huge girl crush on her. Possibly replacing Mia Michaels.
• On the train ride home today there were 6-7 SANTAS! On. The. Train. Craziness right?? I couldn't stop smiling. I wish they were on my train ride home everyday.
• Also, someone tried to pick me up on the same train ride. Sadly, it wasn't a Santa. However, it was extremly awkward. After chatting about the crappy train ride and the funny Santa's he said "Maybe I can take your number and buzz you sometime?", my response "Umm.....sorry". Seriously I didn't know what to say. It's been a long time since that happened, and this girl? Is outta practice.
• I cannot stop listening to Jay Z's new cd. Think it had something to do with his appearance on Oprah, ever since then I find myself oddly fascinated with him. What's wrong with me??
• I am LOVING my new shampoo. Aussie's "Sydney Smooth" AMAZING! I haven't had to flat iron my hair for the last two days. Blow dry and a little product and viola! Pretty, frizz free hair. Where have you been all my life?
• Speaking of hair - I'm thinking of a hair change! Dana....are you listening?? LOL! I need a change - maybe something drastic, I'm thinking of a bob - something angular to my face, maybe some color too! I need change, I am over this hair of mine.
• Loving this fall weather, I mean today? Gorgeous! However it has me craving some new fall clothes, and boots and bags!! I'm thinking a second job is in order, well either that or robbing a bank. I think the second job is a safer bet :)

Hope everyone is having a great week so far!!!!

My favorite day of the week

Sundays.

Adore them. Love sleeping in with the H, reading the paper together and catching up on current events with George Stephanopoulos. It's been quiet so far today, there's so much to do but I don't feel like doing it - how's that for honesty??!!

The H and I are watching the babe today while mom and dad head to the Phillies game and I don't have to tell you all how excited I am for that!! He's getting so big, crawling, trying to stand, blabbering like a fool. He's incredible.

So that's my day, hope everyone is having an awesome weekend.

Girls Day

This morning started early. 6:00 am early. I don't think anyone should have to get up that early, especially on a non-working day. But I did.

Today I took my beautiful step-daughter H to breakfast & then shopping to get some back to school clothes.
Junior year this year my friends - OF COLLEGE!!

This time next year she will be getting ready to graduate & on her way to teaching full time.

I can't even wrap my head around it. This girl, is so smart. She's double majoring - going to school for Elementary Ed, with a minor in Spec ED and Psych. There's no doubt in my mind that she's going to make an amazing teacher. Kids love her and she's so great with them.

Anyhow.....we went to one of our favorite local spots, had a great breakfast and even better conversation. Afterwards we headed up to the mall, in search of a few new things - some "professional" clothes as she called them and some jeans. This girl, is one of the pickiest people to shop with ever - GOD love her, but she makes me nuts. After about an hour we left with 5 or 6 tops and a couple pair of pants. Quick and painfree. Not bad! I'm sitting around waiting for my nephew to get here, hubby watches him during the day - but today, Aunt Bebe gets to spoil that little guy. I don't have to tell you that I cannot wait!!!

Four Day Weekends

I've been out of work since 12:00 Friday afternoon, while some would think that sounds blissful - right now I want to pull my hair out or scream, yeah - screaming would be a lot less painful.

I don't know what to do with myself when I have a lot of time on my hands. I know you're thinking "wow, I could think of a million things" right?? I know. What's wrong with me??

I've shopped, cleaned the house, baked and cooked - hell I even cleaned the bathroom and did (and put away!) all the laundry. I should be wiped out. I should be in bed watching a marathon of the Real Housewives of Atlanta but I feel a little stir crazy. Could be because I haven't left the house all day, and I'm not planning to. Do you guys ever feel like that??

Last weekend I couldn't WAIT for this weekend, to get stuff done & have four days off with no plans.

Now that it's here - I WANT PLANS! Oh well.....I may grab a book & go curl up in bed and read.

Tomorrow I'm going to take my step daughter out to breakfast so we can catch up, I feel like I really haven't spent quality time with her lately and I miss her. She starts her junior year of college on Thursday (I know, JUNIOR year! Can you beleive it???) so after breakfast I think I'm going to surprise her and take her out to get a few new outfits.

The H has the babe in the afternoon, so I can't wait to smother him in kisses!! I hope you all are enjoying this last weekend of Summer - whether it's quiet or crazy I hope your having fun!